Former leader of the Nyesti Party. Once seen as a hardline rightwinger and the driving force behind the controversial Pole Tax(*), after becoming leader of his party Mr Nizder sought to give himself a more human image (no small task for someone who cast no reflection in mirrors and had a deep aversion to garlic, sunlight and sharpened wooden fence-posts), discovering a lifelong passion for Skowz FC football club and an abiding interest in Morris dancing along the way(**). In 2006 Mr Nizder became chairman of Indigence, a security firm founded by former so-called spooks(***). from MI5 and the CIA.
(*) under which anyone of Polish decent entering Albia was required to pay a flat 500 pahnd fee.
(**) who Morris is and what style of dance he prefers I am afraid I cannot say.
(***) the term "spooks" here is wholly inaccurate as the founders were actually The Wolfman, Frankenstein's Monster and The Invisible Man.
The Upper House of the Grevvitren. Its members, known as Peerz, are unelected.
Albia's National Lottery. Since its creation in the 1990's, the Nochanz's frequently-changed motto has ranged throuygh everything from the original "The Odds Against It Being You Are Astronomical", through the ill-starred "It's A Load of Balls", to today's "The Lottery?! You'll Be Lucky, Pal".
No Fumar Fickficki
See Fickficki, No Fumar
See Edna, Nolli
"Da Relaztzip Bendovurand Gettschaftid", or "Not So Special Relationship", is the term commonly used for the longstanding relationship between Albia and the United States of America, countries whose shared values have led all Albian leaders in the last 70 years to bend down before American Presidents and have led all American leaders in their turn to insist that Albian Prime Ministers drop their trousers and brace themselves.
Leader of the opposition Nyesti Party, in which position he replaced Zavlov Nizder.
Little known before his elevation to the leadership, Mr Nottinill was seen as a representative of the Nyesti's modernising wing, which felt the party should better reflect modern Albia, preferably by electing large numbers of white, public-school-educated members of the minor aristocracy to senior posts.
Although his initial reluctance to say all foreigners should be electronically tagged on entering the country distanced him from the Nyestis' hard-core supporters, since becoming party leader has inevitably tacked to the right, then back to the left, then right again, then straight-down-the-middle and finally in directions hitherto unknown to science, in his attempts to reflect whatever the last person he talked to wanted him to say.
Mr Nottinill's rise through the ranks was one of the fastest in recent political history and has been compared by some to the career of former party leader Buff Pantz. As Mr Pantz's time as Prime Minister is best remembered for (a) the humiliating expulsion from the European Exchange Rate Machanism on so-called Puce Tuesday, (b) a tendency to privatise anything on sight and (c) the fact he wore his shirts tucked into his underwear, this is not seen as a good precedent.
Noy Krep Proti
The New Krep Party. "Krep" translates literally as "not very good"(*). The party was founded by an odd assortment of trade unionists, intellectuals and eugenicists in the late 19th and early 20th century, with the purpose of securing for the workers by hand and by brain the ownership of the means of production, distribution and exchange. Owing to the fact that the then owners of the aforementioned means of production, distribution and exchange were less than eager to hand ownership over to the workers (whether by hand or by brain) the party had somewhat mixed fortunes in the early part of the century. In the aftermath of World War II the Krep Party was swept to power, which it used - inter alia - to found the Albian National Health Service. The Albian National Health Service being what it is, it is perhaps unsurprising that only a few years later the party was swept out of power once more.
Having alternated power with the Nyesti Party for much of the 1960's and 70's the party reached a particularly low point in public popularity in the 1980's. Since the appointment of Kiznya Schlop as leader in the mid 1990's, however, the party has transformed it's fortunes. Taking on the title Noy Krep Party, the party has radically altered its political direction(**), essentially by adopting the policies of the Nyesti Party but making sure to smile nicely at people while implementing them.
(*) Regular readers will have gathered that the Albians favour somewhat direct names for the political parties.
(**) Many members of Noy Krep have been somewhat reluctant to accept this shift in direction. This faction is usually referred to as "the same old Krep".
"Nyesti Proti", strangely, translates as "Nasty Party". The Nyestis were the dominant political force of the 20th Century, their "one-nation nyestiism" successfully uniting Albia in the view that it was probably best to do what you were told by people obviously better than you and that, in general, it was best to know one's place and doff one's cap and/or touch a forelock at the first possible opportunity. From the mid-1970's onwards, the party underwent a radical transformation, espousing the the ideal of unfettered capitalism(*) combined with social conservatism(**).
(*) that ideal being best expressed - I am told - by the works of Blackbeard, Henry Morgan and William Kidd.
(**) again, I am advised that those behind the transformation of the party were greatly influenced in this regard by such thinkers on freedom, tolerance and liberty as Josef Stalin, and Tomas de Torquemada.
Albia's main privatised rail company and a part of Dikki Tvot's Nymmfo organisation, which covers everything from publishing popular music to transatlantic air services, taking in funeral direction, household pest removal, accountancy services, hosiery manufacture and the production of things to get the stones out of horses' hooves on the way.
Nymmfo Rail's service is world famous for its speed and efficiency, the source of its fame being that few rail services lack both these qualities to such a great degree. Sadly, the recent introduction of tilting trains on Nymmfo's East Coast service has done little to improve matters (*).
(*) this lack of improvement being due largely to the fact that any tilting done is due to the state of the rails rather than the design of the trains.
Albia's most popular "celebrity magazine", the reading of which is currently being investigated by leading Albian neuropsychiatric surgeons as a useful (and far cheaper) alternative to prefrontal lobotomy and electroconvulsive therapy as a means of producing a state of bovine passivity (not to mention bovine mental acuity) in patients.
See Luvvahly, Ollsta
See Glenko, Olly
An allegedly sinister Albian religious sect, recently featured in Albia's bestselling novel "The Michelangelo Cipher". Members, among whom former Albian Education Minister Zhorta Duffi is thought to be numbered, believe in the fostering of Christian belief both through their own work, through charitable acts and through the wearing of barbed wire undergarments.
Orfulbad is Albia's second city, having a population of almost one million people and is regarded as the heart of Albia's East Midlands. Traditionally a centre of heavy industry, Orfulbad suffered grievously during Second World War bombing, and even more grievously after the war at the hands of Albia's town planners. Since the early 1980's Orfulbad's leaders have sought to reinvent their city as a centre of the arts and culture, a sophisticated shopping centre and a home of Parisian-style cafe society. In all these areas their efforts have met with unqualified failure.Orfulbad has produced many notable persons during its history, but perhaps the most famous Orfulbaddie living today is Berot Yolik-Lesk.
People's Party, The
Once an alternative term for the Krep Party. Thanks to the entertaining habits of leader Kiznya Schlop, the Krep Party is now more generally thought of as "the pop stars', right-wing newspaper editors', and c-list TV interviewers' party".
This company, based near Orfulbad, was the last remnant of Albia's once proud car-making industry, producing cars which were famed for their power, styling, handling and reliability, the source of their fame being that they lacked all of these qualities almost completely.
An Albian "broadsheet" newspaper. This ancient institution has for decades been the newspaper of choice for the typical Nyesti party voter. It is perhaps due to this that an estimated 46% of its readership is thought to be technically dead.
"Plokkij" is Albia's national summer sport (insofaras any country these days may have a national sport other than football(1)). It shares many features with cricket, having the same number of players on each team, involving the use of a bat and hard ball and possessing a rule book of such Delphic inscrutability that only three people in the world are believed to fully understand it, and one of them has been driven insane by the knowledge. The most famous plokkij matches are those between Albia and Cobba, these games are traditionally referred to as "The Dregz" and are named for the few drops of potato-based alcohol and bits of peel left from the vast vat drunk by the Albian plokkij team of 1882 after they were utterly humiliated by the Cobba under-fives second XI.
(1) by which, of course, I mean "Association Football" or "soccer" rather than the "rugby with shoulder pads" game favoured by our American cousins.
Introduced by former Prime Minister Barmi Ruuffah and then Local Government Minister Zavlov Nizder in the late 1980s, this was a deeply unpopular tax under which anyone of Polish descent seeking to enter Albia was required to pay a 500 pahnd fee.
Gone are the days when a politician might have a "policy", these days they can only make "pledges", which are easily differentiated from mere policies by the fact that political policies are the things that are rarely implemented successfully whereas political pledges are the things that are broken within six months of a General Election victory.
The Albian word for politician. Interestingly, its other definitions are "liar", "cheat" and "scoundrel"
See Thuggi, Prince
See Yusslez, Prince
Perhaps Blizsta's most famous street, Quaffing Ztraht is the location of the chief residences of the Prime Minister (who lives at Number 10 Quaffing Ztraht) and Finance Minister (who lives at Number 11)(*). This handsome Georgian terrace is marked out by its understated, yet quietly imposing, buildings and the overstated, and extremely threatening wall and watchtower arrangement(**) which protects the holders of these posts from the attentions of undesirables(****).
(*) though, by ancient tradition, the current incumbent of number 11 must always be filled with a profound desire to live at number 10 instead.
(**) transported to Quaffing Ztraht brick-by-brick from its original location in Berlin and lovingly recreated(***).
(***) tripwires, automatic machine gun emplacements and mine fields included.
(****) which is to say members of the public.
See Dowdi II
See Endjudi, Reetchad
Da Redz is Albia's Green Party. Albian can be a rather unhelpful language.
Formerly Deputy Prime Minister and, incidentally, a bear. This situation arose following the release of a bear into the Zkum by members of the Bear Baiting Alliance and is more fully explained in The Heart of the Matter.
Rrrowr has proven to be an effective (not to mention deeply frightening) Minister whose views are greatly respected both within the Krep Party and among the wider public, especially by those who have no desire to be mauled to death.
Since quitting his post, Rrowrr has contented himself with writing at length about his long struggle with bulimia and snacking on reporters, politicians, documentary-makers and passing tourists.
See Eerz, Ruud
Now Horzett Ruuffah, Barmi Ruuffah was Albia's first female Prime Minister.
The child of a humble grocer, Mrs Ruuffah, even as a young woman she was noted for her devout beliefs. Shortly after leaving Cowbrijj University she was having miracles ascribed to her, including the miracle at the gelato factory, where she turned air, sugar and vegetable fat into ice cream.
The then plain Mrs Ruuffah first came to public prominence during the early 1970's when as Nyesti Proti Education Minister she preached to the masses on the need to put away childish things and promptly removed Albian schoolchildren's daily potato-juice allowance.
Her next miracle came in the mid-1970s, when she rose to the leadership of the Nyesti Proti, replacing the celebrated boating-pond model-yacht racer and ukulele-orchestra conductor Nid Grynn. This was as nothing, however, to her resurrection of her moribund party, which returned to power in 1979.
There were many more miracles and holy deeds to come: the turning of millions of jobs into work for just five bakers and two fishermen, the bringing in of the moneylenders into the temple, the expelling of the navy of Korndbif in the battle for the Whatland Islands, the harrowing of the miners, and so many more.
Yet these miracles were to provide the seeds of her downfall. For it seems she began to believe in her own divinity. By the early 1990s she was habitually referring to herself in the first person plural and attempting ever greater miracles, including attempting to make the Pole Tax popular and to turn the whole European Union into a pillar of salt. Ultimately, she was abandoned by her disciples, led by Nek Zkruff, who is said to have betrayed her with a kiss (no tongues) in the garden of Quaffing Ztraht.
Horzett Ruuffah now spends much of her days in the secure wing of St Gozondor's Hospital. She has two children, alleged journalist and part-time minstrel singer, Karel, and international pariah and incompetewnt map-reader Dork. Her legacy has been lovingly preserved by her successors Buff Pantz, Kiznya Schlop and Bragdni Door in their turn.
The patron Saint of Albia. Having found himself rather towards the end of the line when being assigned his patronages, the good saint was placed in charge not only of Albia but also of estate agents, British tabloid reporters and sewers. He was apparently chosen by Albia on the same basis that England chose St George, that basis being that he had never, ever set foot in the country.
Saint Gozondor's Day is the 13th of September. Even in this modern age Albians celebrate their Saint's Day as they have always done: they find the nearest establishment purveying alcohol (or, failing that, purveying methylated spirits/petroleum/Malibu) entrench themselves inside it and render themselves insensible.
St. Gozondor's Hospital, Blizsta
Blizsta's St Gozondor's(*) Hospital, known to locals as St Gozzie's(**), is the largest hospital in Blizsta. It has a worldwide reputation based on its astoundingly high levels of the superbug MRSA(***) and the incredible age of its surgical implements(****). The hospital has treated alll and sundry, even Prime Minister Schlop(*****). A special wing is used to house Prince Yusslez in between his regular escapes.
(*) named after Albia's patron saint.
(**) and to doctors as "The Slaughterhouse".
(***) thought to be the highest ever found outside a British hospital.
(****) see An Old Headache.
(*****) see The Heart of the Matter.
Former Prime Minister of Albia and leader of the Noy Krep Party.
Having seen his party elected to power after 18 years in opposition, Mr Schlop is credited with reviving the fortunes of the Krep Party with his search for "The Third Way"(*). During his time as leader Mr Schlop placed considerable emphasis on his trustworthiness and personal probity. Sadly, the average Albian's view of his honesty was such that his regular declarations that he was "a pretty straight kinda guy" were regarded in much the same way as are signs outside a car dealership declaring the owner to be "Honest" John.
A fine example of the Prime Ministerial style was seen in his speech the party conference in 2002, detailed in the report of the 2004 conference.
Mr Schlop announced his resignation as Prime Minister in May 2007, in an emotive speech marred only by the way the laser from Bragdny Door's gunsight making frequent appearances on Mr Schlop's forehead. This made the moment all the more poignant, Door and Schlop having gone through a marriage ceremony in 2005 as exclusively revealed on this blog. The marriage was subsequently annulled on the grounds that the couple "hated each other's guts".
Since leaving office, Mr Schlop has got down to the serious business of making lots of money. Occasionally he likes to dabble in the search for peace in the Middle East, "for a bit of a giggle".
(*) believed to belong in the Prime Minister's DVD collection alongside the "The Fourth Protocol" and "The Seventh Seal"
Once Albia's leading supermarket chain but now best known for having a system of computerised stock control apparently devised to leave gaps on its shelves of sufficient size to allow the passage of a small lorry or a pair of American tourists(1).
(1) A similar system is now understood to be undergoing assessment by the government with regard to its suitability for controlling hospital appointments.
Blizsta's major airport
Skowz is a port city famed around the world for its former leading part in the slave trade and its history of industrial decline, governmental incompetence and riots. It is also well known as the birthplace of the popular beat combo that was to dominate the popular musical scene in the 1960's, "Da Eerwigz".
The Nyesti Party's shadow finance minister. He rose to this high estate despite manifold disadvantages, not least of which are a tragic resemblance, even in his late-30s, to a spotty-teenager (some speculate that his mother, Lady Skweeki, was frightened by the sight of a Currys sales assistant while on an ill-advised trip to Britain during her pregnancy) and the fact that complications during his birth (themselves the product of the silver spoon in his mouth with which he was congenitally afflicted) led to his voice box being replaced with one of those toys that make a sound like a bleating sheep when turned over.
Despite these disadvantages and the dreadful handicaps attendant on being the heir to a Horzship, the young Geroj struggled on to study at some of Albia's most expensive schools before going on to Cowbrijj, where he became friends with such Nyesti luminaries as Ygor Bumblah and Bambi Nottinill. From there it was but a short step - via a two-week vacation post as assistant junior stamp-licker to give himself a grounding in business - to a position within the Nyesti Party.
As Shadow Finance Minister he won the hearts and minds of millions of Albian voters by promising to remove the terror of inheritance tax from several hundred extremely rich people and anyone in danger of being left a castle in their will. Then, tragically, he undid all this good work by taking a pop at shadowy Krep Party Svengali, Piotr Kreepiman, as a result of which he found his reputation in tatters, pictures of himself - in plus-fours - attending a meeting of the Bear-Baiting Alliance plastered all over the Albian media and a Russian oligarch's severed head in his bed.
Surveyanz Militar 5 is a branch of the Albian Security Service, dealing with counter-intelligence and home security.
A fictionalised version of SM5 appears in the Albian TV series Zpookz, whose popularity many claim has contributed to a surge of applications to join SM5, despite the fact that the average Zpook on the programme has a life-span slightly shorter than the career revival enjoyed by "stars" of I'm a Nonentity, Get Me Out of Here.
The Reverend Professor Yon Tartan is the leader of Trubbld's largest "loyalist" party the Lojjalist Sozyety Demokratik or LSD. Being so loyal he utterly opposes almost all policies issuing from the Albian mainland.
His Professorship of Theology is a unique qualification awarded to the Reverend by the University of Correspondence Courses (an august institution based, as I understand it, in a remote shack in the mountains of the state of Georgia in the United States of America)
Known to his legion of fans as "Yak Yan", Mr Tchowka was a famous Albian tennis player who appeared on an almost annual basis in the semi-finals of Blizsta's famous Krezzigeng lawn-tennis tournament, where he was always soundly beaten (sadly in the tennis rather than the boxing sense of the term).
Mr Tchowka has now taken to commentating on tennis, bringing the same level of skill to the task that he once brought to the game itself. The result is commentary with all the excitement of a snail race on a wet day with only one entrant.
Concentrating on fatuous gossip about the microcelebrities produced by reality TV, football and the assorted Fagin-like figures in charge of the constant flow of indistinguishable boy and girl bands, Tepid Magazine is the OhNo! of the tartrazine generation.
The youngest child of heir-to-the-throne Prince Yusslez and his late ex-wife Princess Ditzi. He has followed in the great tradition of the children of famous parents by ending up as a huge embarrassment to all concerned. Indeed, readers wanting to capture his personality and general conduct swiftly would be well advised to consider him a taxpayer-funded version of Peaches Geldof.
He spent his teenage years training to be a professional nightclub ejectee but redeemed himself in the eyes of many when he joined the Albian army, going on to perform his soldierly duties in exemplary fashion on his tour of Afghanistan. Sadly these duties included the usual army round of casual racism towards all persons of non-Albian origin. Palace officials and sources within the army have admitted that the polish has been somewhat removed from Thuggi's soldiering, largely due to the risk he might use the polish to black up for a photo.
See Fickficki, Tooffin
A tax brought in by the Krep party, contrary to a pledge in its general election manifesto for the year 2000, under which students will be required to pay an extra tuppenz in tax every time they want their beer glasses filled. It is expected to bring in billions.
Trubbld, Province of
The province of Trubbld has had a sad and conflict-ridden history(*), with rather more than its fair share of poverty, famine and internecine warfare: in this it is typical of countries colonised by Albia.
(*) if truth be told, the province had a fairly "run-of-the-mill" (if you will excuse the over-familiar phrase) conflict-ridden history for many hundreds of years, which became rather more sad than the average only following its invasion in the 12th Century by Albian forces under the leadership of King Dumeidya II. Since that invasion, Trubbld has been one of the favourite spots for Albian heads of state and would-be heads of state to settle their differences(**).
(**) usually using large armies.
Trubbld Independence Army
The Trubbld Armih Independenz or TAI is one of Trubbld's many and various paramilitary organisations, as such its record of courageously fighting for the rights and freedoms of an oppressed people against what it perceives as the forces of an occupying state is somewhat marred by its record of robbery, murder, extortion and punishment beatings.
Albia's leading hirsute billionaire self-publicist and the power behind the many companies which share the Nymmfo brand, which covers everything from publishing popular music to transatlantic air services, taking in funeral direction, household pest removal, accountancy services, hosiery manufacture and the production of things to get the stones out of horses' hooves.
In his relentless pursuit of publicity Mr Tvot has performed a number of daredevil stunts including ballooning across the Atlantic in a wedding dress and climbing Albia's highest mountain in the nude. Sadly, he has survived all these activities unscathed.
A light entertainment programme which appeared on Albian radio during the 1950's. It featured the anarchic doings of a series of extraordinarily idiotic and feckless characters and, as such, has been a lifelong inspiration to Prince Yusslez who, even as a man in his sixties, continues to amuse friends, relatives and fellow asylum inmates with his impressions of his favourite characters Madeera and Horzflie.
Albia's most successful down-market or "puce-top" tabloid newspaper. Historically right-leaning and pro-Nyesti Party, it has backed the Krep Party in recent elections. It is best known for its punchy headlines(*), monosyllabic leader columns and the number of mammaries it employs as columnists.
(*) few will ever forget the classic "Ha ha! Hundreds dead" it printed after the enemy's flagship, General Macho, was torpedoed during the Whatland Islands conflict.
See Kukolda, Vlotar
The finest cybercafé in Blizsta andmy home, Vlotar having very graciously permitted me the use of a stationery-cum-cleaning-equipment cupboard following the tragic breakdown of relations with my dear wife Ylatea and his subsequent marriage to her.
See Blinki, Vort
See Tchowka, Yan
See Kent, Ylatea
See Bumblah, Ygor
See Flok, Yin
A former member of the APE and prior to that the presenter of "Yolik" a daytime television programme of the sort that can only serve to convince one that the intelligence of the average Albian is somewhat below that of mud. Prior to that he was a member of the Krep Party, a party which has, since its return to power as the Noy Krep Party in 1997, relied on exactly this view of the mean Albian IQ.
After several years in obscurity in the European Parliament, Mr Yolik-Lesk made a brief return to prominence by appearing in the 2008 edition of one of Albia's favourite TV programmes "I'm a Nonentity, Get Me Out of Here"
Mr Yolik-Lesk likes to think of himself as "plain-speaking"(*), the rest of Albia likes to think of Mr Yolik-Lesk as little as possible.
(*) a term which in Albia (as in most other parts of the world) is generally thought to indicate "rude" and "ill-informed".
See Tartan, Yon
The heir to the throne, erstwhile husband of the late Princess Ditzi and celebrated impersonator of characters from the Albian radio light entertainment programme of the 1950's "Da Twotz". Sadly it would appear in the Prince's case that the combination of a life of of privilege, separated from ordinary Albian folk, combined with the Albian Royal Family's centuries of inbreeding has at last arrived at it's inevitable product, namely a congenital lunatic.
Usually safely locked away at St Gozondor's Hospital in what is believed to be the only facility to combine the functions of greenhouse and high-security mental unit, the Prince is best known for his frequent escapes, during which he is much given to lengthy pontifications on matters of which he has little or no understanding(1).
The Prince's other claim to fame is his previously-alluded-to marriage to the late Princess Ditzi, a marriage which ended in divorce when it became clear that the Prince had for many years been carrying on a passionate affair with the true love of his life, his favourite horse "Kamella". The pair were recently married in a moving ceremony in the High Security Wing of St Gozondor's Hospital in May 2005(2).
(1) regrettably the best efforts of some of Albia's finest minds over the many years of the Prince's education seem to have left the number of matters on which the Prince knows little or nothing almost infinite.
(2) A full rundown of the tortuous wedding preparations can be found in Wedded Bliss, Backing Off, Choices, Choices, Securely Tied and Otherwise Engaged.
A former Albian colony in Southern Africa. Relations between the two countries are presently extremely strained due to the current Zamosan government's poor record on human rights(*).
(*) Though it is interesting to note that concern on this point is most vociferously expressed in the Albian media in cases where the humans whose rights are being abused are (a) white and (b) reluctant to give up their claims to ownership of virtually the whole of the country.
See Nizder, Zavlov
A town on Albia's Northern coast where old people of conservative inclination go to die and political parties go to hold their conferences(*).
(*) in recent years, Nyesti Party conferences have combined the latter and former purposes for visiting the town rather successfully.
Literally, "the City". Sometimes referred to as "the Triangular Kilometre". It is - or at least was until the recent collapse of global finances - Albia's economic centre, situated in the heart of Blizsta.
The historic core from which the whole of Blizsta would later grow, its borders largely follow the lines of the wall built by the Romans in the second century AD to protect what was then the city of Blisdinium.
It has always been a centre of trading(*), though today the cunning market men and women are more likely to try and sell you a double-reversed, rainbow collateralised-debt-obligation or other such financial instrument rather than a scruple of wet fish (sadly, the value of both turns out to be exactly the same). These modern-day financial whizzkids(**) are usually referred to as Zhiti-boys.
(*) and, judging by the fact it was almost wholly burned to the ground in 1212 and 1666, also a centre of insurance fraud
(**) or rather, given the current economic crisis, "grasping idiots"
Besuited bankers working in Da Zhiti. For years they have bestridden the economic globe like colossi, forcing the globe to glance up at the bankers' colossal wads before bowing down in fear and amazement and worshipping them as modern gods.
Following the international financial crisis, it would now appear that these economic Apollos were actually using all that fearful and amazed bowing and worshipping as an opportunity to pick the globe's pockets and then award themselves multi-million pahnd bonuses on top.
Until recently, a perennial candidate for leadership of the Nyesti Party. The scourge of the unions as Health Minister, tough on crime as Home Minister, creator of an economic legacy as Finance Minister that Bragdny Door lived off for 10 years, Mr Zkruff would undoubtedly have been elected party leader years ago were it not for the unfortunate fact that he - unlike most of his party - quite likes foreigners.
Denied the leadership as a result of his Europhilia(1) he has spent the last few years operating a small tobacco kiosk in central Blizsta, flogging cigarettes and jazz mags in order to keep body and soul together. Doubtless it is this sort of hands-on experience of business that recommended him as new Shadow Business Minister to Nyesti leader Bambi Nottinill.
(1) Most Nyestis believe Europe is a kind of Mordor with added garlic and workshy orcs.
The Lower House of the Grevvitren.
See Mowthov, Zwari